Not a Placeholder Parent: Why Raising Our Grandchild Isn’t Just a Phase
You know how sometimes someone says something so unexpected that it feels like a bucket of cold water to the face? Yeah, that happened to me just the other day.
Let me tell you a short story…
Wes and I were out recently with some friends (new grandparents in the typical sense) — catching up and enjoying the rare opportunity for a little break from work and the never-ending responsibilities of raising our grandson. Our dear friend surprised us when she dropped a comment that hit me right in the gut. She suggested — casually, like she was offering a helpful idea — that there might be another option for where our grandson could be raised.
Her words hung in the air, unexpected and heavy. I couldn’t quite believe what I was hearing.
The thing is, I know she didn’t mean it in a bad way. I know it came from a place of love and wanting to help. But it hurt. It hurt because it hit on something that so many of us kinship caregivers face all the time: the assumption that raising our grandchild is a temporary arrangement. That this life, this family we’re nurturing, is just a placeholder until something “better” comes along.
And truly, it wasn’t just the idea itself that stunned me — it was the implication behind it.
Did she think we were no longer committed to raising him? That we’re not his parents in any real or lasting way? That maybe we’re overwhelmed and looking to pass the baton?
I was floored.
I get it, though. Maybe she was looking at our life from the outside — seeing all we juggle, all we sacrifice — and wanted to offer a solution. Something to ease the load. But this isn’t just a load we’re carrying. This is our family. Our every day. Our commitment. And while, yes, some days are harder than others, we’re not looking for an exit. We’re not stand-ins. We’re not a temporary solution.
We are his people.
We didn’t just step in — we dove in, heart-first, because we love this kid. Because that’s what family does. We adapt. We show up. We figure it out. We anchor ourselves in love, even when everything else feels unsteady.
Sometimes people just don’t get that. They see the challenges and think the kind thing to do is find us a way out. But what they don’t see is the joy and rewards and pride alongside outweighing hard days. The laughter in the chaos. The pride in the tiniest victories. The love that fills every corner of our lives — even when we’re running on fumes.
We’re not temporary parents. This is not a favour or a short-term fix. This is our path. It may not have been in our original plan, but it is deeply, truly ours.
So yeah — that conversation hit me harder than I expected. It reminded me how easy it is for people to misunderstand what we do and why we do it. But at the end of the day, we’re here. Still showing up. Still loving. Still raising our family.
And if I’m honest? We’re pretty damn good at it.
💬 Has someone ever said something that made you feel invisible or misunderstood as a grandparent raising your grandchild? You’re not alone. Come share your story around at the GrandFamily Village. We get it — and we’ve got you.
