Self-Care vs Together-Care: doesn’t mean a Bubble Bath

On Friday February 28 2025 our second monthly webinar featured three experienced Grandmothers, who shared their experiences and wisdom on raising their grandchildren to adulthood. Among many other insightful lessons, they spoke about the importance of self-care. They shared their experiences with finding respite care and maintaining their own well-being while caring for their grandchildren.

Recently, my spouse and I were gifted with two days at a fancy health spa, which we enjoyed just days after I hosted that webinar. Wes and I have had virtually no break or holiday alone together since I can remember. So I got to thinking… what exactly is this “self-care” we speak about? Really, was it the fancy saunas and infinity pool that soothed my weary soul? Was it the fancy décor and gourmet meals? What was it really?

But let’s be real. I mean, really real. For grandparents in families like ours, self-care has to fit into real life — the snack-strewn, laundry-piled, “what’s-for-dinner” kind of life.

Very few of us have family or friends nearby who are able to step in for a weekend or even a few hours, often because they too are aging and often the children in our care have complex needs. Wes and I are so grateful for family for stepping in…

Now I am home again, I recognize exactly what the true care was – it was the gift of time together. And sleep… blessed blessed sleep. Okay, I’ll admit, the food was pretty fantastic too!

So, what is self-care, really?

The short answer, I suppose is that it’s anything that helps you refill your cup so you can keep showing up for those who count on you. And it sure doesn’t have to be fancy, expensive, or take hours. That is, candles, bubble baths, and spa days are optional! Some of the best self-care moments are quick, simple, and shared. You know… “together-care”.

Together-Care with a friend or old colleague

Your friends might not fully get your life right now, but they do love you. Those connections matter, even if they happen in short bursts. Your friends really do miss you too!
Friendly Reminder: Skip the friend who only wants to rant or compete — you want the ones who leave you smiling, not drained.

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Together-Care with Your Partner

Even if your partner is right there in the trenches with you, it’s easy to drift into “all business, no fun” mode. Finding ways to reconnect — even briefly — can bring back a bit of joy and remind you you’re in this together. How about a 10-minute morning date for coffee, tea, or even a glass of water — it’s less about the drink, more about the pause. Cook dinner together, take a walk, play some cards, or even just chat while you fold towels — it counts!
Bonus Tip: No serious life talks allowed during these moments — keep it light and fun.

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Together-Care with other family

It’s easy to feel like you have to do it all, but there’s real strength in leaning on your grown kids, siblings, or close neighbours for a little companionship.
Pro Tip: Sometimes family means chosen family. If you have a neighbour, fellow grandparent, or friend who’s become your go-to — they count too!

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And when you do have a little time to yourself?

Skip the doom-scroll! It’s way too easy to get sucked into bad news and endless noise. Instead, try:

• Picking up that book on your bedside table… you know, the one with bookmark peeking out from half-way through
• Listening to a podcast that makes you laugh or feel inspired.
• Popping into an online space (like this one!) where you feel seen, supported, and understood.
• Finding an uplifting story, video, or article — something that reminds you of the goodness out there.
• Re-listening to GrandFamily’s first monthly webinar from January 2025, where a gifted holistic health practitioner shared some very useful techniques.

Self-care isn’t selfish — it’s fuel for the road. Even a five-minute pause, a friendly voice, or a shared giggle can make all the difference. What’s one small way you’ll sneak in some self-care today? Let’s share ideas and inspire each other.